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JUST GIVE ME THE DAMN BALL-PEEN HAMMER!

Wifebeater U — Yet another ex-trojan gets busted for violence against women, as Keyshawn Johnson gets arrested for domestic battery

Somewhere in a Nevada jail cell, O.J. Simpson is thinking:  “You should have finished the job!”  After all, it’s harder to get convicted if the complaining witness is too dead to testify.  Ex-U$C Wide Receiver and ESPN Analyst (maybe not for long) Keyshawn Johnson was thrown in jail last night for Domestic Battery.

Police were called to Johnson’s residence on a potential spousal abuse offense, and found that Johnson — the author of “Just Give Me the Damn Ball (The Fast Times and Hard Knocks of an NFL Rookie)” — and his ex-girlfriend had gotten into a physical fight.  Apparently, he gave her some hard knocks over the subject of MARRIAGE.  Keyshawn may be a trojan for life, but wasn’t interested in becoming a trojan for wife.

So he reportedly grabbed the woman’s cell phone, causing a gash to her head.  Johnson ADMITS smashing the phone, but like all indicted trojans, DENIES that he ever hit her.  How she got that gash in her head will evidently remain a mystery.

Johnson immediately posted bail and was quickly released, and this morning was seen at an AT&T Store — WITH HIS EX — supposedly buying her a new phone.  Some women never learn.  Or maybe some women never learn… how to live without NFL-contract bling.  It’s hard to have sympathy for someone who dates an arrogant prick ACCUSED OF HIRING A HITMAN TO MURDER HIS EX-WIFE — in the first place, let alone one who keeps dating him AFTER he goes to jail for an incident that leaves her with a gashed face.  But who knows — maybe she just wanted to get her phone replaced before she got the hell out of Dodge.

Based on the long history of violent trojans skating on their charges, I will assume that  Continue Reading »

THE SOAKER AND THE BEEF

There's the beef

One last appealing appeal for you to open your hearts and wallets to the unfortunate victims of catastrophic injury who still have the courage to go to college and make a difference

Here is one final batch of USC Song Girl photos from the Swim With Mike fundraiser.  I hope they inspire you to Continue Reading »

NOTE: THE ARTICLE BELOW WAS SUBMITTED BY A GUEST AUTHOR

Another Year Away From The Title

The UCLA Bruins are the team that has won the men’s college basketball championship more than anyone else, however, they have spent more than 19 years without being able to do so.  It is too early to think about next season, but the Arizona Wildcats go in the odds as the favorites to take the title with 6 /1, while the Bruins are 50/1, according to MyTopSportsbook.com. 

The last time UCLA won the national title was in 1995, Continue Reading »

HUSKIES RAISE BRUIN SPIRITS, NON-HUSKIES RAISE EVERYTHING ELSE

Oh, buoyant!The UConn Huskies beat Kentucky to keep UCLA 3 ahead of the Wildcats in the battle for most NCAA Basketball Championships ever (11-8), 2 days after the not-husky-at-all USC Song Girls raise a million dollars for physically-challenged student-athletes, thereby raising the Spirits of everyone with a heart

UConn beat the Con Man, all to the benefit of UCLA.  The Bruins are the all-time leaders in NCAA Basketball Titles with 11 Banners, but the University of Kentucky has 8, and was in the Finals against the University of Connecticut on Monday night, as a 3-point favorite.  The Wildcats boast a starting 5 that is comprised of all Freshman Phenoms, and are coached by the sleazy John Calipari, who has been caught cheating at both of his previous coaching stops.

Calipari embodies what is wrong with today’s College Basketball scene — embracing the one-and-done mentality, at the expense of the “student-athlete.”  Despite being seeded 8th, Kentucky progressed to the Title Game.  It wasn’t easy, as big comebacks and last-second shots were required for them to survive in most of their games.  And it didn’t get any easier on Monday night, as the Cats fell behind 30-15 in the 1st Half.

Calipari’s young superstars didn’t quit, battling back to within one point of the Huskies.  But they never got over the hump, as UConn Continue Reading »

DEEP-POCKET POOL PARTY

Diving in, For The WinThe point is it's not a waist to spend your bottom dollar on this causeFloating funds to those in need The Color of Money, right on Cue — At the 2014 “Swim With Mike” Charity Event, Trojans and friends (and frenemies) Rack Up over one million dollars to fund scholarships for physically challenged athletes, as the 34-year total Breaks FIFTEEN million

Minnesota has Minnesota Fats.  Southern Cal has California Sveltes.  On Saturday, the fit and trim USC Song Girls led the 34th Annual Swim With Mike Fundraiser to new heights, by donning sexy pink bikinis, and inspiring attendees to plunk down over $1,000,000 to put physical disabilities behind the 8-ball.

That 7-figure take increases the overall total raised by this worthwhile charity to over $15,000,000.  All this money helps athletes who have endured devastating injuries like paralysis, to go to college and continue to live happy, normal, productive lives.  Many of these students matriculate at USC, but lots go to other schools as well, like Texas and UCLA.  So it’s not just Trojans raising this money and participating in the ongoing education of these admirable, courageous recipients — Bruins, Longhorns, and several other schools’ fans and alumni make this cause a thriving success.

So once again, in the name of a truly worthy cause, I observe a Rivalry TRUCE this week, as I HONOR the USC cheerleaders, for their willingness to Continue Reading »

FOUR ON THE FLOR-IDA

Stalled — Frigid-from-the-perimeter UCLA gets knocked out of March Madness by #1 overall seed Florida, again — the fourth time in less than a decade that the Gators have ended the Bruins’ season, 79-68

No shame in losing to the overall #1 seed in the NCAA Tournament after reaching the Sweet 16 for the first time in 6 years… but why did it have to be Florida, again?  Is it just coincidence — the (bad) luck of the draw — or does the NCAA Basketball Selection Committee have a sick sense of humor and a hatred of their Sport’s most storied Program?  Why do the Bruins keep getting matched up with the Gators?

This year, the Bruins were matched up with Florida in the Sweet 16, but they didn’t match up well with the Senior-laden team with a 28-game win streak, a physical front line, and a smothering Defense.  Florida led through most of the first half, as UCLA’s star players were debilitated by Continue Reading »

AUSTIN LOSS? AWESOME SAUCE!

UCLA goes 30 minutes without a Turnover, and dishes out 22 Assists, to  puree the Lumberjacks into maple syrup, 77-60

Stephen F. Austin won 29 straight games?  The only question is HOW??  The Bruins have just ended the Nation’s longest winning streak, by totally dominating SFA 77-60.  The victory sends UCLA to the city of Memphis, where they will face Florida in the Sweet Sixteen.  3 of their last 5 NCAA Tournament appearances have been ended by Florida, including once in the Championship game, and another time in the Final Four.  Most experts predict that this will make it 4 out of 6, considering the Gators are the #1 overall seed.

On the flip side, the Bruins will be playing with nothing to lose, as an underdog who has already achieved a respectable Sweet Sixteen goal, the first one for the school since 2008.  Memphis will be like a home atmosphere for the SEC Gators, who have the Nation’s most lauded Defense, so it will take a perfect game from the Bruins to make this a contest.

A perfect game was not needed to beat SFA.  The Bruins missed way too many lay-ups and Free Throws, and they allowed SFA to get to the hoop repeatedly, to get lay-ups of their own.  But SFA’s lack of height and lack of outside shooting allowed the Bruins to take control in the 1st Half, and pull away early in the 2nd.  Norman Powell was the key player for UCLA, with 16 Points, including three electrifying dunks, and it was Powell who spurred the key runs that flattened the ‘Jacks.

But it was the TEAM PLAY of UCLA, and the crisp execution, that gave them the edge.  22 Assists, and only 2 Turnovers (both by Bryce Alford) before garbage time equaled an offensive onslaught with which the ‘Jacks could not compete.

There’s an A-P-P for that!

Your best player is having a subpar night?  No problem — Just download Adams, Powell, and Parker, and you will thrive and survive

4th-seeded UCLA played #13th seed Tulsa on Friday night in San Diego, in what’s called the Second Round of the NCAA Tournament.  Bruin fans were not worried going in, as a 9-point favorite, because they knew they could rely on Super-Soph Point Guard/Power Forward Kyle Anderson to carry them in times of trouble.  But on this night, it wasn’t Anderson who came through — It was Jordan Adams, Norman Powell, and Tony Parker.

It’s not like Anderson didn’t contribute to the eventual 76-59 victory.  He did tally 8 Points, 6 Rebounds, 6 Assists, and 4 Steals.  But he missed 8 of 11 shots and turned the ball over 5 times.  That unexpected ordinary-ness allowed the Golden Hurricane to stay close to the Bruins, despite Continue Reading »

YIPPEE KYLE A., MOTHERF**KER!!

Welcome to the party, pal!

Die?  Hardly! — Tournament MVP Kyle Anderson, with 21 Points, 15 Rebounds, and 5 Assists, leads UCLA to the 2014 Pac-12 Conference Championship, with Jordan Adams’ last-minute Three-pointer saying Happy Trails to Arizona

For the first time since 2008, the UCLA Bruins are the Official Pac-12 Champions.  In Steve Alford’s first year as Coach, the Bruins outplayed the highly-ranked and FAVORED  (by 5 points) Arizona Wildcats 75-71 to take the 2014 crown.  UCLA overcame a horrendous shooting slump during the last 6 minutes of the game, missing about 12 out of 13 shots, but with just under a minute left, tied at 68, Alford called their money play, for a Jordan Adams 3-pointer, which Adams sank to put the Bruins ahead for good.  Arizona airballed a baseline 3-pointer that could have tied the game, allowing UCLA to put the game away with 4 straight made Free Throws.

Sinking those 4 Free Throws highlighted the game’s biggest disparity.  The Bruins finished at 21-25 from the Charity Stripe, while the Wildcats went 6-16, missing 8 of their last 9 attempts down the stretch.  So while the Bruins went ice cold from the field, the Cats were just as bad from the line, and that’s what cost them the Championship.

Despite a Las Vegas crowd that was Continue Reading »

HAVE A NICE TRIP, (U-S-)C YOU NEXT FALL

One ex-trojan admits receiving free luxury trips, including to Fiji, while playing for $C, a Pro player falls, thanks to a punch in the throat from another ex-trojan, and the current $C Basketball team ends their year in the first round of the Pac-12 Tourney, finishing a dreadful last-place campaign with a 2-17 Conference record in their hot-shot new Coach’s inaugural Season

 What a week for the trojans!  It started with an article/interview with u$c’s former Running Back Dillon Baxter.  Overhyped as a recruit, Baxter admits that he came to South Central U feeling that he had already “made it” to the big time.  He implies that he was virtually showered with luxuries, including one very special first-class, all-expenses paid vacation in the exotic locale of the Fiji Islands, all courtesy of AGENT Teague Egan.

Yes, this is the same trojan putz who got Baxter busted for accepting from Egan a golf cart ride across campus.  Baxter got temporarily suspended from the team for this rules violation.  At the time, I reported that Baxter had “put the cart before the (trojan) horse,” a headline which the Los Angeles Times promptly stole, one day after I received correspondence from a Times Sportswriter in reference to my article.  Plagiarism aside, it was a big story when Baxter got busted.  IF THEY ONLY KNEW that the golf cart ride was only the tip of the tentacle!  One little harmless, worthless cart ride to class (yeah, right, “class”), versus the thousands of dollars worth of air fare and hotel stays that Baxter was racking up, all on a CERTIFIED NFL AGENT’S tab.  And you think Egan didn’t have his hooks into several more players on the trojan team?  The cheating and rule-breaking was undoubtedly Continue Reading »

DON’T GO (BREAKING MY HEART)

Goodbye (not "sorry") is the hardest word to say“Like a candle in the win(d)” — The 2013-14 UCLA Spirit Squad makes their final Home appearance as the “Sun Goes Down On” them, but the Bruin Basketball team gives the “Tiny Dancers” a Win to “Levon,” damming the Beavers to 69 in a comeback 5-point victory

On Sunday night during the Oscars, there was another, much smaller event going on near Hollywood, and it was, like the Oscars, packed with emotion.  After trailing the game by 11 in the Second Half, UCLA came alive to beat Oregon State 74-69, avenging a loss in Corvallis earlier in the season.

It was Senior Day at Pauley, the last home game for Aubrey Williams (of whom you’ve never heard) and for the Wear Twins (of whom you’ve heard plenty, some good, some bad).  The Wears have been good ambassadors for UCLA, good citizens, good students, and hard-working, easily-coached players.  Unfortunately, they never lived up to their true potential, due to a certain “finesse” approach for front court “bigs.”  But they have each had some great highlight moments in their UCLA careers, so bidding farewell to them on Senior Day is still emotionally charged… Continue Reading »

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